i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
