rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
