so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
