I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
