omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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