seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
