i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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