I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
