I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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