apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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