You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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