I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
