peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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