I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
