How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
