Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
