is wine microwaveable?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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