I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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