My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
