yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
