And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
