I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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