I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
