the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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