my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
