We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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