I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
