this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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