I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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