The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
