weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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