This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
