Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Randomize
