You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
