I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
