did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm at about main and main street
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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