thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
