At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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