And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
