oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
