I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
