Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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