I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
