Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I enjoy the company of your penis
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
