They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
