Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
