I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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