I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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