nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
