I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
