So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
