Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
